Depression!

i donno wether anyone blogged abt such a topic before.I dont think anyone else could have been depressed like me....i dont want to tell u anything in dis post, just want u to know how it feels wen u r depressed...starting with let me tell u y do i get depressed...many reasons come under dis like wen i dont get something i desperately want, wen my favourite ppl avoid me, wen somebody abuses me more dan i just cant take and wen some one say if my parents had a boy instead of me.Den i get depressed....

nxt phase would b horrible....i cry...untill i drain all tears out of my eyes....untill dey swell....untill i get tired of wiping my tears and just allow dem to fall through my cheeks.
I dont feel like talking to anyone. My apetite dies, i forget how to chew and just swallow food.It taste like water absolutely taste less....i feel lyk throwing up wen i eat more dan 2 spoons.... i dont care abt how i look...i sometimes dont do my hair for days....dont wash my face....dont apply any sort of cosmetics...i hate to watch myself in mirror....and wen i stare at mirror i feel lyk throwing something at dat and smash it to peices....i hate light...i dont want to open the windows and doors...no fresh air....

i get horrible vissions...mostly dat a cat is so close to me staring at me...lot of cats around and as though dey are just about to attack....every ni8 i just get up shouting trembling with fear and shaking....it takes hell lot of time to sleep properly again.... i feel terribly lonely...though i am at a party i feel neglected...i fel i dont matter to ppl anymore...i try to gain attention and if i fail...i stop talking to everyone....

bein like dis for few days...suddenly i eat lot of sweet....chocolates, icecream and anything which is sweet...i feel a kind of relief wen something very sweet touches my tounge. it heals some part den gradually i come out...actually i push out of dat stage...

ppl say lot of love and care is required to get out of depression but if der was so much love and care y would i get depressed??? i wish god gave everything we want...i wish we only remember god just to thank him and not to ask or weep infront of him...i wish i get wat all i wantand never b in such a state...i wish u get wat all u want too....and der is no such a word called DEPRESSION!!!

Compromise!

i donno abt u....but i hate dis word!!!! Wen ever it comes in the scene i feel lyk throwing up.....puke!!! I feel compromising is ntg but killing a part of ur happiness or ur deepest desire. It can never make u happy...wen u say u cannot live without compromising??? I say...wat is left to live wen u have to compromise?

Wat is COMPROMISING??
according to me wen u want to do something, wen u wish to go some wer or any kind of desire and u dont do it, u leave it unwillingly and wen u still have da passion...u still have da desire, but u kill it....not for urself but for others dat is a compromise...bcoz wen u do it 4 urself dat is adjustment or simply call it a choice....u chose one over the other based on ur flexibility but wen u suffer and u do it bcoz the society wont accept it or some aunt muriel will think bad abt u and ur family den its called a compramise!

i hate to do dat.....let go something i so deeply want for some x i hardly care.....i hate wen i have no choice but to compromise...it kills a part of me.....i hate it wen ppl tell u have no choice but to compramise....damn it wat did i ask for MOON? no, i just wanted to fulfill my dreams....live life on ma own terms....and y do u say wen u are a girl u should compramise??? are we not human like u? dont we get the same blood wen it cuts?

y cant u accept us da way we are? y ask us to do something we dont want to? y force us? y kill? y throw us into dis kind of mental torture? cant u just say....i love da way u are, u dont have to change 4 me....u can follow ur heart and i will b der to hold u forever??? i am not goin to compromise unless u make it into a choice :) i wont compramise unless i feel u r more imp dan all my wishes and hapiness....and if had to compromise i wont b happy...i will feel da pain untill i get back to follow ma heart :)

love me da way i am :) puhh-leeees :)